a l i v e & a w a k e

Lately in our city of Brampton we have had people complaining about the prostitution and drug problems in a couple of key downtown areas. Most of the solutions have been to increase the police presence and arrests. I was encouraged at one article my wife Bek showed me on a city gathering on the topic that a man who admitted he was a former addict said something like “we have to understand that the people we are complaining about do not want to be in their circumstance and so we need to give dignity and understanding rather than judgment and police”. It’s so true that the problems that we face in community don’t go away with rules and the enforcement of them.

I had an encounter recently where this topic hit home for me. I had some time before a meeting so I went to the main square of the city (recently beautified) to do some journaling and listening to God. I had in mind the problems our city is facing and wanted to God to reveal His heart for the ‘poors’ of Brampton (focus in our community lately). I also had been going through a rollercoaster of emotions dealing with what I felt people were judging me, misunderstanding me, even to the point of feeling like I was being attacked (I had others confirm that it looked that way as well). It was from people that I hoped would have been supportive of my recent efforts but instead was not taking the time to know me and using group scenarios to correct me.

It’s funny because I have been celebrating some really good things in our community lately that reflected so much of Christ working through many people. Yet once I encountered these 2 situations, I felt devastated and the world seemed grim (even though it was peak spring time, amazing clouds, great smells, warm sun-perfect worship atmosphere). I wanted to hear from Jesus on that and had some supportive companions who helped affirm me and gave me some good perspectives. I was still processing though (maybe still am).

When I am in between meetings I find it most helpful and efficient to write, listen and process my perspective and prepare myself for the next encounter. I was sitting by a newly renovated spill fountain and it was really hot (real unusual for spring time). I sat for only a couple of minutes when I was approached by a thin woman. She had the typical, what I call, 80’s look for summer. Ripped jean shorts, thin spaghetti strap tube shirt and walked with the too familiar really drunk walk.  The 30 foot bench was empty except for me and she sat 3 feet from me and washed her feet, hands and face in the water. She looked over at me and I knew she wanted to talk. I internally felt like this was a bit of an interruption form my productive and efficient listening time. She quietly muttered something to me and I leaned over to hear her better and said something like “I’m sorry?”

She said things in broken sentences (something I speak and understand quite fluently). “I just saw you..seemed nice..it’s hot you know”.  “yeah it is”, was all I could really reply. She was pleasant looking and deep down you could see a caring heart. She had a sweet Irish accent and well groomed reddish hair. To not be too busy and cold I continued, “Are you just out enjoying the sun?” She replied, “I just got laid off work last week..company of 27 years.. downsizing..not sure what to do.” She went on to why she really approached me.

“I was out here actually prostituting myself and you came along.. seemed like a nice man”. I wasn’t sure where to go with that. I first asked if she was serious or was I mistaken in what she said. I actually couldn’t believe it was true because despite the drunkenness she was seemed really put together. She clarified she had been prostituting herself for a while and that she was quite serious.

The ‘pastor’ in me responded with efforts to help, find a new job and connections that would help her out of her predicament. She told me more of her story; Her name was Francis, she lived in a nearby town but was there today because she was getting dental work (dentures for her two front teeth). Her benefits and payout ended in a few months and she was almost 50. She felt foolish reinventing herself for a career and even more to make a resume.  I asked her if she was doing this because of money and how I could help her. She wanted to stay in limbo and the payout was for enough time but then hung her head a bit and changed the subject to me. I felt a bit unhelpful at this point having to face the fact she wasn’t going anywhere even after I offered help. I couldn’t help her but now she seem to linger on.

She asked me what I do in life. I told her I was a pastor for the Meeting House. She immediately said ‘oh you have a connection with the ‘divine force’?”  We talked about prayer and how she prays every morning. She pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper that is given out for people from Al Anon meetings. There was an obvious long term use of this paper by the writing and highlighting words of importance. She wanted me to keep it but I refused because the paper to me would be like taking a very sacred thing from someone, like their only family photo. I was amazed how she so quickly would give it to me. Like most people who have had too much to drink, the topic went deeper. She said “you know I have self esteem issues”. I didn’t need to be convinced of that. My heart went out to her.

As her spaghetti straps kept falling down and she casually pulled back up she went on, “People judge and they shouldn’t judge on appearances”. My immediate response surprisingly came from my own current baggage, “I know! It seems people get opinions formed about people before they get to know them”. She added that we are really all the same as each other and that if people would just realize that, we’d be better off. I saw that from her side of life (much worse circumstance to be judged than mine) but yet could identify with that just that week. Her one liner street prophecy didn’t end there.

She said “I have eaten a bit of humble pie this last little while. It is sometimes really good to have that just so you can touch base with what was really important”. That started to hit me harder as I felt with all my indignation, and righteous anger from my attackers was actually my struggle for power. Lately the word ‘meek’ has been a focus for me lately in my personal studies.

My best understanding/version of the word meek is ‘withheld power’. There are two ways I can see this to be true; 1. A capable person chooses to not exert their power, or 2. A person has been stripped of their ability to exercise their power by circumstances or people. Jesus said to a crowd “blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth” (Matt 5:6) With my take on that you could read ‘blessed are those who withhold their power or have their power withheld’. The next part is incredible—we will inherit. There is nothing you can do or change to receive an inheritance. We hear so much in the world today of so many who undeservedly take on places of power, fame, and wealth and it bothers us. Yet Jesus talks about a greater life changing inheritance that we are internally hardwired for and built to manage even if we are oppressed. Unknown to Francis, I heard her message of humility (meekness) loud and clear as though Jesus Himself said it to me.

We ended our conversation with her saying "now you take of yourself, you hear?", I had to bike to my next appointment. As I pedaled  on I realized my most important meeting of the day had just happened,,, the one I didn’t put in my planner. It was to receive this message from Jesus:

-“Even though you are feeling not heard and that the current circumstances of life are discouraging, I hear you. If I hear a daily prayer of a prostitute who is confident in my presence, you as well can take her same understanding of my presence”.

-“Joe, you need to know I am not happy with judgments made by people on you, but also the ones you have been secretly hiding judgment towards people who seemingly are attacking you. We are all the same”.

-“You are to walk with humility and meekness. I have a special preparation and gift for you each day as you learn to embrace moments that supersede power of any kind”.

There a few stories where Jesus encounters a prostitute but I feel some affinity with the ‘immoral woman’ in Luke 7:36, who breaks open expensive perfume and washes Jesus’ feet. Many looked at the action as wasteful and dirty yet Jesus looked at it as preparation and sacred –elevating her above the rich company He was in. Even though it was literally her washing her own feet, the words of Francis' wisdom and affirmation had oil like element of healing, richness and sweetness that was sacred to me and my broken soul.

And it important to note that the most powerful man who ever took on flesh used the same example of meekness to wash feet of His followers. Maybe that was planned from before time or maybe He learned it from a woman who encouraged Him in the same way. -joe

Separation

“as a person thinks in his heart, so it is.”

As we continue this series of the many facets of a killer, we come to the most profound and subtle of this force (in my opinion). There are many indications that we as a society, value and pursue being separate from others. Detached from the “relationship” internally which is spiritual and ultimately with God (Genesis –garden) we practice detachment from others in an outward fashion. This is what the Proverb means, our heart (internally) feels it is rejected so we can only give what we own so we give separation. Grieving expert Bill Bates says that ‘humanities greatest problem is that we perceive we are separate”. I believe this and we see it in how so many will knowingly/unknowingly push others away to make it true.  The gods of today show us this value, “the richer I become, the more separate I want be.” In this case money, power, fame are only accelerates to this deep value.

 Today we see people who are powerful, famous and wealthy choosing to live away from others: Homes -mostly guarded and protected, walking -with body guards and keeping people at a distance, travelling—in their own private or exclusive ways, communicating –from private lines. Now I want to make it clear—there are sometimes really good reasons why these measures have been taken, however it can send a message of ‘the more you have, this type of life is what we need to seek out’. So people who grow in wealth will move from the townhouse/semi to a detached home or home with property. Even further if we could ideally live better, it would be so that we have our own view without others around (again nothing wrong with that). Is it fair to say that if we all got out wishes, we would have to live on a much bigger planet, with amazing homes and quite alone.

The highest form of punishment in our country Canada is solitary confinement. Yet we seem to be pursuing the same outcome in the ‘free’ world with directed energy, effort and resources to accomplish it.

Already people choose to have less and less interaction with others. Take a test:

What do you think people prefer, automated teller or a person?

Do people prefer drive through or going into the building?

Do people prefer to ride the elevator alone or with others?

When driving, do people prefer to make eye contact and acknowledge the people in the car, or just see the object of the car and avoid eye contact?

Do people like sharing a toothbrush or……OK I’m going too far.

But you can see enough that we have a preferred default switch in us that will choose the path of less contact in general. Why is this when deep down we are geared to feel like we belong, connect and interact with others?

So what kind of ‘compassion’ is derived from this value? When we do want to help people, it maybe lacks compassion (suffers with) and is more in the helpful category. Compassion though is an attribute of God and is the source of life. Being helpful can look godly yet lack in so many ways.  When we value separation as a community, we may see a different form of compassion (less like God).

For instance separation compassion may look more like:

-writing a check to someone in need and not care about the people all around you in everyday life (neighbours, grocery store, driving, walking)

-going into a soup kitchen to serve food to people rather than intending first to be with people in relationship as they are fed.

Just a story to go with this. 

A friend of mine Greg Paul runs a downtown ministry/church called Sanctuary, for inner-city people with many high visible needs. He tells a story of a ‘high powered’ banker who heard of the great things going on and decides to come help out in the food program. As he enters and meets Greg, he is taking off his ‘high powered’ jacket and rolling up his ‘high powered’ sleeves to go serve food out of the kitchen to the many people waiting for their meal (sometimes the only one they get). Greg stops him and says “You won’t be in the kitchen today (reserved for people who work their way up to that). Go and grab a plate and eat with the community.”

This wasn’t comfortable for the man. He said “I can’t eat someone’s food, I came to help, not take”.  Greg’s reply was something like “what you will give to help today will be relationship. When was the last time a homeless person got the chance to sit and eat with a high powered banker? Do you know how many doors, people and barriers they would have to go through before they’d even see you? What you give today is community with people who are excluded-probably their greatest need.”

I have been studying/speaking on what it takes for us to be actively bringing about the work of community and compassion to our sphere of living. A part of the talk has to with what holds us back from joining Christ at what He is doing. First I have really liked the simple definition of ‘compassion’; com = with, and passion = suffering (like the ‘passion of the Christ’) so in turn ‘suffering with’ is the best definition to me and for my purposes. The other part is talking about joining Christ and walking a very ‘alive and awake’ experience of who He is in our world despite the prevalence of the issues that hold us back.

Capitalism

..equality can never be achieved in a capitalistic society that is based on entrenched inequality. –Judy Rebick, Transforming Power, 2009

This concept of “an economic system in which wealth, and the means of producing wealth, are privately owned and controlled rather than commonly, publicly, or state-owned and controlled”, sounds closely associated to consumerism and may have been birthed from the philosophy of it.

There is something else a part of capitalism the merits its own point- The need to be better than others. What we are taught by from a very young age is to look for what is different, prejudice (forms into racism), and competitiveness.  Whether it is in the play ground of ‘I’m first’ or ‘me first’, or at the school years of ‘my team can beat your team’ or ‘our school is better than your school’ (my dad can beat up your dad, etc), the message is clear –if you can win, be ahead you are really living the best life.

Problem is that we are built to be in community and relying on each other. In fact we have so many weaknesses, we are built to be interdependent –with God and with each other (God in them).  The compassion that comes from capitalism is at best to give to people with need, but not too much otherwise they can exceed you, or it is subtly laced with prejudiced emphasizing the differences, which in turn looks like pity. Or the giving has a ‘how can giving to this need benefit me?’ kind of air. There is little dignity in that giving.  This is the opposite of Christ.

Jesus was about giving His life, time and energy not only to die for others but to give a purposeful ministry of giving ‘greater than His’ (John 14). This is the antithesis to capitalism.  His compassion looks to suffer with people not pity. His compassion will have no problem walking through cultural or human social barriers and gives rather than finds a better way of life that preserves His life.

Also Christ is not threatened when challenged or when people try to compete with Him. He holds everything with open hands and is able to let prestige and power go. Compassion can truly work at that point. In some profound way we recognize we need the poors in our lives and can bring them close to us. Their poverty reveals our poverty that is more cleverly hidden behind ‘successes and achievement.

Practically what this looks like:

-Taking time to check yourself each day if you are in a competitive mode (for me it is ‘am I ok to let someone cut into my lane in traffic?’, or in line at the grocery store, or if ideas are being asked for and I try to come out with the good insight before each other has a chance to say their bit).

-Find ways to promote others at work and in family life. If someone has an idea or ability that helps out, let them have the credit and let them have the first chance at a solution even if they will do it at 60% of what you could do at a 100%.

-Give sacrificially. When you know you can give in a way that can make you uncomfortable,  you are stretching your capacity to be used of Christ (making more room for Him). This kind of giving will remove the chance of competing with others overall and bring understanding of others who feel needs every day.

sionsapm
I have been studying/speaking on what it takes for us to be actively bringing about the work of community and compassion to our sphere of living. A part of the talk has to with what holds us back from joining Christ at what He is odoing--the killer. First I have really liked the simple definition of ‘compassion’; com = with, and passion = suffering (like the ‘passion of the Christ’) so in turn ‘suffering with’ is the best definitionof compassion to me and for my purposes . The other part is talking about joining Christ and walking a very ‘alive and awake’ experience of who He is in our world despite the prevalence of the issues that hold us back. i will have a mini-series on this for the next few entries, first consumerism.

Consumerism
We can’t escape all the messages of promise, hope, and satisfaction that comes with a purchase of that new, better item. All the billions of dollars spent alone on flyers, bulletin boards, commercials, marketing and ideas is astounding and even oppressive if we sit and look long enough at it.
There is a tactic to keep yourself focused on what you ‘need’ rather on what now you can do for others with what you have. Those so called ‘needs’ are actual deep felt wants that have nothing to do with true needs (enough food to live, shelter to protect, sleep, caring relationships, spiritual nurturing). This was taught to us out of media and the results of WW2, the industry and financial well being of our country depended on it. From my understanding the ‘great financial minds’ said we need to be a consuming nation so our economy will thrive. Enough was no longer enough. Items that used to be made with integrity and longevity were made less because it potentially slowed down consumerism (the washing machines of old lasted way longer than the models we buy today)

An aside -Targeting teenagers- something from my understanding is that teenagers never existed prior to 1940’s. it was a term coined by marketers to tap into one of the best consuming markets –people in the ages 13-19. They have cash (well they have their parents cash if they annoy, beg or complain enough), plus they have not fully developed minds/emotions that can be preyed on with a barrage of messages that say, ‘you need to fit in and with this brand of clothes, this latest music, this life of independence that can only be bought.’
We are basing a strong feeling of items as needs when they are just wants. It is ok to want/desire something, but the focus, times spent, and energy consumed in wanting is what kills our soul and likely the souls of many who we don’t see.

 For instance:
-if I want the next gimmick so badly, and feel I need it, people who hold me back from that entitlement are actually threats to my survival and should be treated as such (spouses become evil enemies when they challenge us, family time can be hindrances from the important pursuit of consuming, poors and those with needs are only considered when I feel I have all my needs met, etc) Selfishness is being fully catered to. (‘Do what thou wilt’ is a phrase right out of the satanic bible because it is the opposite of the very nature of Jesus).

-in the world we will not care so much of the resource stealing, abuse of power and harming of people we can’t see if we can get our needs met with a good deal.

-we will feel more and more incomplete in our own person. As a person feels in their own heart, so are they. If we feel incomplete in our own life, we will project that on to others and harm the very relational fabric we need.

So how do we undo this 60-70 year tradition? (actually the selfish heart issue is a much longer tradition). I find that a lifestyle of giving is the most effective way to undo what deeply lies within me. First I may need to recognize the amount of messages and values of consumerism around me. When we take time to see the subtle destructive nature of consumerism within ourselves and promote in the world, we can begin to see the place for transformation of giving. As I feed a life of sharing time, giving items, donating money towards other who are less fortunate than I not only assaults the greed, but it cultivates and aligns myself to the Giver—Christ. Compassion is in part a giving of your attention, time and resources to those who are in need.

Practically that could look like:
-each time you see the messages of buying or ‘consume’ think about it, talk about it (with family, friend). Example—Beer commercials that say if you drink our beer life is the best (popular, significant, good looking and happy). When in reality most avid beer drinkers do not look like the people in the commercial and have great difficulties with relationships. Look for the way the values of satisfaction are promised with the item advertised (happiness, peace, fulfillment, significance, great relationships). Be able think of true ways to work towards peace, happiness, etc.
- one suggestion I have heard is to go to basic cable or remove cable to reduce the messages of commercials and encourage creative ways to engage people in your home life. Or try fasting from something for a time and what money you save from not buying, coffee, fast food, candy etc you give to someone who really needs support. You can associate with suffering that way
Being aware and attentive to giving is something our society is more and more ready for—so is Jesus.  -joe

Troy came to Switch Yard through the Alternative Education program. Duane (teacher) saw Troy as one who wanted to know more about God and would direct him towards me. Troy had many situations that brought him closer to his significance in Christ.

Troy's parents divorced when he was nine. He lived in the city and took on his mom’s name. He said it was because his dad’s name was Jewish and he would get beat up for using it. He moved to Bancroft and found himself hanging out with the crowd that were not a good influence on him. He had many natural talents in selling and bartering. This proved useful in the drug scene. Troy was known for selling many drugs and did it in such a friendly, business-like manner. He also had a weakness for girls and a low impression of them. Troy confessed to having sex with any girls that would have it. He told me at one time he saw a girl who was known to have sex with anyone and brought her back to his house. After he and his friend ‘did her’ they kicked her out of bed and told her to get her own ride back into town. She would usually hitch-hike back.

Troy was always at the center of parties and would go to any that were happening. One time he took some bad drugs and had a spiritual vision. It disturbed him because it was an ‘out of body’ experience.
He and a friend were taking LSD and Troy felt like he had a ‘bad trip’. He went home early. He went to his front door to find it was locked. He banged on the door and rang the door bell. No one answered. The lights were on but no one answered. Troy went around the back of the house to see his family at the dinner table. He pounded on the window but they went on like they didn’t hear a thing. He thought his family was disciplining him for not being on time for supper so he left and went back to his friends house. He called his home from his mother was upset with Troy and asked why he didn’t come home for supper. Troy asked why they were punishing him and why they didn’t answer his banging and doorbell. They didn’t hear a thing.

He swore he saw demons hanging around the corners of his room. Even after he sobered up it left an impression on him that what he saw could possibly be real. God directed another encounter soon after that that made Him question God’s existence. He was hitch hiking and a man asked him if he believed in God. The man was Connie Bronson, a board member of Switch Yard. Troy felt that it was a very positive experience. God had him ready to hear it.

Troy came upstairs in Switch Yard from the school program to ask me the first of many theological questions of God’s existence. I felt God sitting on my shoulder whispering all the answers that seem to penetrate his heart. He would take truth and want to live it that very day. Troy wanted to read for himself what the Bible said. I gave him is very first Bible to study. He would call at all times of the night to get an understanding of something he had just read. It was exciting and challenging for me to teach things that I had never really explored myself in any deep way.

These discussions were ongoing throughout the next few weeks. Troy, Terry and I would have some group discussions as well which eventually led to bible studies in the Switch Yard, on the road, and at my apartment. Soon Troy became less and less interested in girls and the drug scene and more and more interested in the life and teachings of Jesus. I had a trip to Bahamas planned and I talked to Troy one night at Tim Hortons before I left. I asked if we could find out where he was at on the whole God thing. He said sure.
“You have learned a lot about the teachings and life of Christ.”
“Right”, he said.
“You know deep down that this Christianity stuff is probably the thing God has been calling you to. In fact a relationship with Jesus is what you know you need right?”
“Sure” he said.
“So when are you going to act on what you know to be true?”

He sat and thought for a second, than said “I am not sure if I can make this choice right now”.

I asked how he figured that
“Joe, you have been telling me many amazing and true things that are getting to me about Christ. You have showed me the where God is working and how the bible has relevant information and helpful things to deal with my life.”

“Good”, I said. I was glad he had been listening.

“But one thing,” as Troy continued, “I realize if I make this commitment you say it needs a life commitment that requires all of my life because He is Lord”.
“I still have to weigh this all out”.
I really felt he was getting what the true message of Christ would be in his life.

I left for Bahamas and enjoyed a relaxing much needed rest. I came back about two weeks later to find Troy had made the commitment. I was excited for him as he explained no great event just a decision. I was privileged enough to see the fruits of God building in a significant way. Troy was the source of most of my encouragement in those days.

I found myself not just with a guy who just became a Christian, but a fellow partner in ministry. He continued to live at his same house that grew and sold drugs to many. His life change was so dynamic that many old friends of his took notice and were quite amazed at his life style change. They thought he was on some program rather than really understanding Christ working in and through him. The ones who really wanted to know the Christ factor Troy brought to Switch Yard(funny how being a missionary is the first reaction). I would meet some of the most spiritually seeking youth in those times. A little conclusion I had at the time was the youth who seem to use certain drugs were the same youth who had a deep spiritual hunger. I would spend hours in conversations over drinks, pool, and card games about Jesus and His plan for the world. They came well read and taught me a lot about Wiccan, Buddist, and many other belief systems.

In the end they weren’t ready for the ‘Jesus’ thing but agreed there was something to His redemptive plan for their lives and even the world. Troy was right in the middle of these conversations explaining who Jesus was to him and how it was a relationship not a self improvement plan. Troy’s life was the biggest argument to a case for Jesus, not my biblical knowledge and logical reasoning.

Troy’s life was becoming more like Christ’s. He stopped all drug activity. He treated women with respect and helped others who mistreated girls to view things a different way. His selling ability became a selling of Christ. Not pushing, he was just quick and excited to see the work of Christ and join Him.

Troy, Terry, and I started a bible study together which really dove into a study called “Experiencing God” by Henry Blackaby. He became a master of seeing where God is and joining him. Some of the most amazing things about Jesus was his humanity. He loved the fact that God was not distant but near and it started with Jesus. He wanted to walk around town wearing a shirt saying “Jesus took a shit too!” I convinced him that even though the truth about the incarnation was amazing but that was probably not the best way to share it.

Many times he would come to me and talk about how he saw Christ working at a party he was at the night before. He eventually became a drop-in volunteer who would excitedly tell me about the ‘Christ’ moments in Switch Yard. Troy became one of my best volunteers who was always dependable and aware. He assisted in maintenance, snacks, and supervision. I eventually needed a break every once and awhile during a shift and he was one of those guys who would give me an hour off. I also remember him being the responsible overseer for the weekend while I spoke at a retreat in Sault Ste Marie.

He went to Muskoka Woods to continue his growth. He became good friends with a mentor of mine named John Macauley. It was there Troy understood Christian community and deeper spiritual growth as vital to his development in his relationship to Christ. He eventually left the Bancroft area and I would try to visit with him as much as possible. We always would spend hours catching up and sharing how God was giving new insights, challenges and growth in our lives.

He further ran a drop-in skatepark  for Youth for Christ. In those years God built many foundational ministry challenges and deeper questions about himself. God always has had a grip on his life no matter where he has lived. It is always clear to the people around him about in any new area that he has a significant relationship with Jesus.

Every once and a while, we invite guest bloggers to write. This my friend Heino Claessens. Heino has great insight and tremendous wisdom which I draw from on a regular basis.  Hope you enjoy this one from his journey.

I have been told that I am a “Christian in exile”. Funny, I have never thought of myself as being anything other than a compassionate guy with foibles. One consuming foible of mine was a huge fixation on my life coming to an end – death, dying, game over. I would get myself all worked up about being unable to reconcile the fact that I wouldn’t be given all the time I wanted or craved to do everything that I felt needed doing. My life “to do” list kept getting longer and longer and more overwhelming. In hindsight, I was so greedy and concerned for time lost that I suffered from the complete inability to enjoy the time I did have. What was the epiphany; how did I get past this consuming angst? Scrambled eggs.

Let me explain. I believe in “thin places”. Places were the veil of everyday life isn’t as imposing, as deafening, as it is where we generally spend our lives. “Thin places” are where I re-connect with the Spirit more readily then I otherwise would. I will be so bold to share that with practice over time, I have learned to find “thin places” almost everywhere – but that’s a different story. I was at such a place while spending time with two of my five children at our family cottage. Upon preparing breakfast for them one Sunday morning I made what turned out to be an incredible plate of scrambled eggs. Fry up some onions and garlic until light brown. Crumble in bacon, salt, pepper and spices to taste, add eggs, a touch of milk and - presto - a real kid pleaser (the secret to making awesome scrambled eggs is not to overcook them or else they go from being fluffy to something akin to rubber). The first bite of these scrambled eggs was orgasmic. The second bite incredible. The third awesome. The fourth awesome and the same with the fifth and the sixth and so on. Each bite was awesome. It was then and there that I had my epiphany. Life is like these scrambled eggs. Life is awesome, nothing more and nothing less. As long as I lived in that moment of eating and enjoying those scrambled eggs it remained awesome. Every bite, regardless of how full I got was awesome and when the meal came to an end that was okay because it was awesome. I know it to be so. My life is like that now. Once I became consciously aware of living in the moment and truly enjoying – being passionate – about what I was doing in that moment I realized my life “at that moment” to be awesome, as it is during the next moment and the next. I realize when my life too comes to an end, that’s okay because I ate my eggs and I’m no longer “hung up” on having to, wanting to, needing to, get the chance to eat steak and then chicken with or without a myriad of various side dishes, or any other “stuff” for that matter.

As I reflect on this story I have become comfortable with the end being just that, the end. I’m not overly concerned with what happens, what can happen, what will or won’t happen. What will be - will be and so it is written. What I am concerned with is “the now”. Am I living as best as I can in relationship with the Spirit? To paraphrase a real cool dude I walk with at times, I’m concerned with a relationship that “seeks” passion for compassion, “sees” passion for compassion and “celebrates” passion for compassion. Scrambled eggs.

I have always loved the agricultural analogies in the bible, and lately Luke 13 Vs 6-9 has a story of two gardeners. It is about the fig tree planted and it does not bear fruit for 3 years. The owner says ‘cut it down’ but then another gardener came in and said ‘no, I will give it special attention and make sure it has the best environment to grow’ (my interpretation). The word for gardener in this context is;

ampelourgoß---a vinedresser that cultivates (to give over to one's care uncertain about the result, give fluids, to pour, pour into of rivers, to pour out, to put into, insert)

I feel a closeness to this gardener as of late. First because I feel (and I have felt) I am the fig at times that needs special attention and environment that cultivates fruit in my life. It has been precisely the people Christ raised up to be my gardeners (caring, pouring out/in inserting into my life). They are my mentors, spiritual companions (thank you to all who have been and continue to be this for me)! They have done so much for me just because they saw something about who Christ can be in my life and pour into me.

Secondly, I feel like in so many ways I am compelled to be this second gardener in this day and age. I realize more and more, God wants me to move from being the fig that receives care of a full empowered life to cultivate others through attentiveness and environments that build up.

Thirdly, the figs of today are people who have the capacity and inherent potential to be full of fruit (life abundant), but are incapacitated, apathetic, indifferent, or are marginalized (poors).

So what does the skills of the gardener look like today?
-in a word partnership, with God and with each other
-how this can look in a lifestyle, one who looks to where Christ is working in the lives of the people (assess and acknowledge/celebrate), surround them with encouragement, experience and ownership of who Christ is in them, and commission them to be ones who live in the partnership with Christ on this earth in the work of His Kingdom.

Story of this
A South Asian friend of mine who like the fig tree, felt his fruit was not bearing although he was planted in the world of seeking God (Sikh faith). Over time, many people took time to speak of Jesus and the life He was offering him (missionaries in India who baptized him, different books and writings and finally I had the chance to join the process, even still today!).
His first reaction to seeing God—Jesus, was to tell his family and go back to India with 3 bibles, books and other things to tell his friends about who Jesus is. He immediately felt the need to be the gardener to care for the other figs not bearing. He even told some of his coworkers about how Jesus can help them through the issues they face.

In a day and age where it seems most people are fig trees not producing regardless of whether people attend church services, Sikh meetings, or just sit and watch TV. The fruit bearing difference I see and experience is when people are aware of Christ’s working and pour themselves into that activity.

-joe

It is daunting to have the task to write out all the significant ways Christ has been working in our community in the last little while. I have been postponing this moment and now I have many. It is like a mosaic of many little snap shots that make up a more complete picture.
But I will not try to have the details as much but the content and heart of each story.
Homeless Church (1 experience counts for six month of meetings)
I have been growing in my understanding of what spiritual development means for me and what is looks like to cultivate that for others. You hear of studies that say you learn only 10% of what you are taught through just listening and 60% of what you hear and take action on right away. So we have been playing with that in our community by resurrecting the Home’less’ church. It is a group of people who are seeking to follow Christ and meeting every week to find out the needs of a community and meet them through building, painting, cleaning, etc. One week of the month they meet to debrief their experiences and talk about the teaching we have been getting on the Sunday expressions.
The ‘debrief’ is geared for people to share what they found Christ was doing in the community as well as what they felt was a growth area. The teaching can easily align itself with those experiences as we process and share our journeys.
It started in Sept 08 and so far (Oct 08) we have shingles roofs, laid flooring, painted, put up drywall, did plumbing and gave clothes and toys to people who have experience immediate and drastic life changes, poverty, single parenting. Those who have been reaching out to other ‘poors’ of their city have also found they grow together with other Christ followers.
One recent example:
The correspondence
The Call out
It's a story of a new mom, who's husband was diagnosed with cancer just after she found out she was pregnant. He just recently passed away before the baby was born. He didn't have any life insurance, and so now the new mom is trying to deal with the death of her husband, a new baby, becoming a single mom and trying to sell her house as quickly as possible. Her immediate needs are: painting, hanging pictures and planting things to be visually pleasing, but we also thought another practical thing would be to make her a few meals that she could freeze in portions. It could even be something as simple as making some nutritious muffins. I'm checking to see if she has any preferences or allergies, but first thought I would check to see how many people I could get to help out.”

“Got there at 10AM and stayed until 2:30. There were lots more things that we could have done, but we sent muffins, a casserole and squares. Our mutual friend couple showed up later, which was good. The best friend of the husband who died was there, and he was really good at arranging the garden area. We also painted the small bedroom and touched up other paint areas, took off her screen door and painted around where it was to match the actual door, and we helped dig out the garden area, and replaced the kitchen cupboard handles, replaced an old faucet and working on the mortar and replacing the hose thing (run a new water line or something
The recently widowed woman was totally appreciative of everything. When I left her exact words were "....and I want to know more about your church and how I can get involved in helping other people too."

I tumbled down the stairs with Bruce in one hand and Steve in the other. That night in the drop-in began for me with a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was going to happen. I had been conditioned to sense potentially bad situations. That night, I wasn’t able to concentrate on a single conversation because of this gut feeling.

It was always a stressful moment for me if I sensed something bad was going to happen, since there wasn’t any other staff or volunteers there to help me. Switch Yard was the name of the drop-in in Bancroft. It was only a few years old and really needed in town for youth. I was alone most of the time in my four years of work there. It was God alone (and the prayers of many) that something worse didn’t happen.

Well my gut feeling came to fruition. A fight broke out. It seemed as though more youth were drunk that Friday night. I never knew which youth were ‘happy’ drunks or if they would cause problems when intoxicated. Bruce and Steve seemed to be the ones who would cause trouble when drunk alone. They ran into each other at the entrance of the Switch Yard and their verbal exchanges quickly jumped into physical ones without any warning. I think it was Bruce that instigated things from what I could tell and from hearing the stories afterwards.

Bruce tended to be an instigator. Well at least when he was on something. I don’t think I ever met him in any other circumstance (occupational hazard). He had broken into the drop-in through a window and stole a box of chocolate bars (got caught for that). He had thrown stones at our lights and in general had to be watched constantly at the drop-in. What he seemed to think was a good time was a bit of a nightmare to me. I had heard about him being in different fights around town. I’m pretty sure his home life wasn’t the best and I seem to remember a kid telling me one time his dad was really abusive to him. It showed. Especially this particular night at the drop-in.

I was on the other side of the drop-in and in a ‘conversation’ when I looked up to see and hear obscenities and fists flying. I ran through the people with such momentum that by the time I got to Bruce and Steve, we all went tumbling out the door and down the short flight of stairs onto the deck of Switch Yard. We landed in the gravel near a car with a bumps and scrapes.

By the time we landed in the gravel I managed to pull back Bruce with one hand while pinning Steve to the ground in the other hand. They yelled at each other and now the entire drop-in of youth were out on the deck watching the whole thing. The fight was over, but I was still trying to keep them from throwing one last kick or punch. As I struggled to keep them away from each other I was on one knee and bent over with arms stretched out as far as I could on either side of me. It was the first time I took note of Kent who had been pretty close to the fight and now was looking down at me. There was nothing to stop him from kicking my head (now at waist level). I will never forget his face. He had a pretty angry look through some glossy eyes and there was a smell of alcohol on him.

Kent was a pretty quiet guy who had tagged along with Bruce that night. As a good friend, he wanted his friend to win the fight that night. Kent had come from a separated family where there was also misuse of drugs and alcohol. Kent’s older sister was a regular at the Switch Yard, with a fiery attitude that showed some insight into what home life was like.

Facing Kent at that point in the dirt, I was suddenly keenly interested in who he was, purely out of my own self preservation. In those situations I always felt everything was going to go wrong. When violence starts, it seems to take off more in a group situation. Luckily for me, Kent just glared at me.

I managed to keep Steve and Bruce separated and told them they were barred for a month from the drop-in. I went inside to calm my nerves and to give the appearance that I still had control. A few months after this occurrence, I moved from Bancroft to Mississauga. I thought for sure that would be the end of knowing any of those particular guys.

In 2008, I received a call from Bancroft. It was the Burkes (my second family growing up). They asked for a favour. They told me about a guy from Bancroft who was in a correctional centre in Brampton, and asked if I would visit him. The young man was dealing with addictions and was in counseling. They thought that I may have known him from the Switch Yard days as a youth. They came to know this guy through nothing short of Divine intervention.

A few years back they received a call informing them that their Jewelry store had been broken into. Nothing too valuable had been taken since they lock most of it up at night, but as you can imagine, it was still upsetting to be forced to shut down for a  couple of days in order to fix broken glass and whatever else was damaged. The Police got a couple of good finger prints but couldn’t find the suspect.  A few months later, the Burkes were driving home in the winter on the snowy road to their house. An oncoming car swerved and hit them. Stunned, some black eyes and scrapes but not hurt seriously they sat as a young man ran up to their car to ask if they were alright. He then ran to call the ambulance. They didn’t see him again but later found out by the Police that the very same guy who hit them was the young man who had robbed them.

Apparently when he called in and did not return to the scene, it gave the Police suspicion to who this was. They did some investigation and when they found out it was the young man they caught him and he went to jail. His name was ---Kent. Kent later found out that the people he hit were the same people he robbed----what Divine luck!

Other then petty crimes, Kent had been playing around with drugs as well. His lifestyle caught up with him numerous times as he found himself on gurneys in ambulances with his heart actually stopping. He ended up in jail and rehab a couple of times to make a change, but it didn’t seem to stick. He had been ostracized by people in town even when he tried to clean himself up. He remembered even going to a church service where he felt glaring eyes on him. In a small town like Bancroft, everyone knows your business. Kent became pretty skeptical of most people, especially “church folk” until something unusual happened.

Kent picked up a job doing contract work with a friend. Kent was great with his hands and he was definitely a great worker. His boss and him arrived on a new job site to do some flooring. They sat in the truck together in front of a beautiful house on a lake as they talked about the job. Kent looking at the house asked “Who’s house is this?” His boss looked at his sheet and said “Oh, this is the Burkes house. They own a Jewelry store in town.” Kent froze. He didn’t want to go into the house. It may have been out of shame or pride, but also didn’t want to ruin his boss’s credibility with these people. He told his boss he couldn’t do the job.  His boss was upset and wanted to get the job done. He went into the house.

He came out a few minutes later with a woman (Lucille Burke).From her view:

Kent did the job. Lucille and Dave Burke even invited him to supper at one point. Kent still was blown away by this family who seemed to instantly embrace him even knowing what he had done to them. Forgiveness… that was different. Too many times God had been shown to Kent as untouchable, a judge, and too angry to want or love Kent.

Their connection didn’t stop there. They talked on the phone, met with each other several times. Dave even took him to their hunting camp where they hung out together. During that time Kent got to see what was really going on behind the mystery of these two –Jesus. They got to explain their experience and view of the life that Jesus gives through his sacrifice and love. Kent wasn’t sure what to think about it all except he felt a deep longing inside him grow. These interactions were a key building block for Kent’s spiritual journey. It wasn’t all easy for Kent though. There were still things God needed to work out in his life.

He got himself into more trouble once again and this time it almost cost him his life. It may have been the culmination of drug and alcohol use or the drama of his life at that time, but Kent ended up in a pool of blood in the forest from a three wheeler accident- with no heart beat.  He had gotten himself intoxicated, stole his dad’s truck and crashed it. He was so mad that he went to a nearby house, stole the three wheeler and drove down a dirt road without a helmet as fast as the machine would go. He lost control and he was hurled into the forest where they found his shoes flung, clothes in the trees up 20ft and Kent with a badly smashed up head. The ambulance used the paddles and rushed him off by helicopter to save his life.

He healed over time physically, but his soul needed more attention and he knew it. It’s funny how God can clearly show Himself in very broken moments. Kent was feeling some pretty significant insights to Who this God was. You have a lot of time to think in a hospital and he had even more time to think in jail. After he got out of jail, he knew this couldn’t continue anymore, so in court he asked to go to rehab again and the judge approved it and he was sent to Brampton on a six month program. He went to get himself cleaned up. This time though he had the Burkes praying for him and in contact with him as friends (even later told me that they have been like family to him).

 In our church community we had just been intentionally seeking the ‘welfare of the city’ (Jer. 29) with an idea called the Brampton Experiment. The idea was to ‘be’ in our community and respond to wherever Jesus was revealing Himself. So this was my challenge-to go to the jails. I agreed to go and arrive in March 08 on a Tuesday.

I didn’t remember who Kent was from my past, until he walked down the hall in the orange shirt and gray pants provided by the jail as his only clothes. As soon as I saw his face, I flashed back to the night on my knees in the dirt where the angry 16 year old glared at me for holding his friend Bruce and kicking him out of the drop-in. That face was gone and now a very kind smile was in its place. We got caught up with his life journey and I told him I had come to support him and even talk about his spiritual search. He was ready. This began many talks about God and Jesus.

During Kent’s time there, he got into AA and NA where there is a reference to a higher power. That higher power for Kent could only be the One who showed such forgiveness in the Burkes.  I was amazed with God’s work in Kent and especially the deep seeking heart he had. I began meeting weekly with Kent in order to have an ongoing dialogue about Jesus and his life plans. I was really enjoying seeing Jesus’ heart and character working in and through Kent.  This once quiet, angry guy was now very talkative, smiling and had great wisdom in his words and understanding. It didn’t take long to see that Jesus had already been transforming him in significant ways. After a few weeks of meeting and some discussion to who Jesus was, I asked a few questions to Kent about his desire to follow Jesus. He really felt hesitant to make a big commitment because he felt he might fail. I didn’t push it, but the next week he was totally fine with following Jesus. In fact he realized he had made the decision to follow Jesus with his heart long before he said it with his mouth. This very sensitive and tender heart was such an encouragement to me. The work of Christ was so evident in him. Leadership was also coming out.

Kent began to lead the AA meetings with 60-80 guys. He also led a bible study with a couple of others, and even began befriending a self proclaimed ‘Satanist’ who would often taunt his new commitment to Jesus. He had many good conversations with him.

I am writing this as Kent is to be released in a months’ time. He is going to go to school (finish high school and go to bible school), and figure out what it means to plug back into life as Jesus intends him to.  I have been impacted by the fact that as soon as Kent began to follow Jesus he had an instant ministry. Kent understands that following Jesus means listening and responding to His voice. He has says that this is the most happiest he has ever been in his life. Sometimes I complain about all of my issues in life, but then here is Kent as an example to me - in jail, walking into uncertainty and filled with Joy. 

I am reminded of the ‘madman’ who was filled with a riot of demons inside Him (Mark 5:1-20). He met Jesus and was released from that. His instant reaction was to follow Jesus, but Jesus did something profound and risky—He commissioned him immediately with a ministry to his town “Go back to your town and share what I have done for you” –paraphrase (Mark 5:19). Too many times we say, “I need to get more training or experience before I can share God’s work and Kingdom. I need to have my doctrine right and all the right biblical answers.” Kent’s immediate reaction was to serve. He doesn’t know all the answers but his deep thirst for Jesus and the testimony of Jesus transforming his life will be the living gospel people need to hear.

Just reflecting on an interesting experience I had. Our community (the Meeting House), went down town Toronto to serve at the Pride Day and cleanup activities. This is mostly a celebration of sexuality and specifically (from my take the Homosexual community) through music, speaker’s corners and a parade.

I have lots to debrief from all that I saw and encountered.  Big question that I look to ask each time I go into experiences like this “Is Jesus here and working?” or “Is the Kingdom here?” My answer for the gay parade—you bet.

I had many moments where I caught myself feeling judgmental, prejudiced or uncomfortable, -but that is only MY problem.  I feel afterwards that my feelings have been tapped to a deep and profound range of sad, burdened and overwhelmed, to happy, celebratory and joy. Those are all great emotions but when they happen in the span of 7 hours, you feel you need to hide for a while just to process.

Probably the most profound picture of the whole parade is a couple (both in their 60’s or more, you can never tell if the age is physical or experiential). They were fully naked (except necklaces and shoes). You could also see that the man had noticeable alterations to his genital area.( I have no other comment to make here except to leave that to your imagination). He also had an arm missing. They were not attractive by any means by the standards that this parade seem to project. There were so many people who had gone through a lot of body painting, make up, flashy clothes to make themselves desirable to everyone who saw them. Some even screamed out loud and flaunted themselves to be the most looked at. There were many businesses there with all their marketing schemes and attractive sales people dressed to fit in to the parade of sexuality. These two didn’t fit that standard.

From what I could see they never talked to anyone the whole time. They just walked up and down the Church street strip (great street name to do the parade on?). Many looked at them, pointed, laughed and even took pictures of the two naked and just seemed to judge from afar.

They seem to be a couple who were very comfortable with each other, not awkward or needing to prove anything to each other. Actually they had a look of confidence, not awkward or needing to prove anything to the million or so people who saw them that day. They were authentic. They were the picture of what was a deep unseen river of the whole event –raw humanity. I found looking through surface of the drunken faces, the smiling , loud boisterousness, the dancing and loud music were hurting, lonely people who want to belong, who want to be adored and accepted. This couple didn’t hide their agenda.

For me I found my own raw humanity being accessed. I am the lonely person, needing to be adored and accepted. I am more like the crowd and the business trying to keep an exterior that is acceptable and ‘attractive’. I would never walk around any part of my house physically naked let alone four city blocks for seven hours. ( there would need to be millions of dollars promised and blindfolds for that event). In the same way I have a real hard time walking around spiritually or emotionally naked with God or with others.

My lesson

First that God always sees us as that naked couple, unadorned and authentic. No matter what I try to do to hide, ignore or ‘candy coat’. That couple (especially the man) regardless of the point they were trying to make at a gay parade, were used of Jesus to speak to me of the need to be authentic and comfortable with Him. It is how we were originally made to be with God and then something went wrong. We fell and ended up naked and ashamed and we’ve been hiding ever since.

Even though at face value, this naked couple looked in the wrong for walking naked and proud, they actually were a reminder to me of how right they are. This is how we were originally built to be in a -human to God and -human to human relationship. That challenges me. It also makes me feel I could celebrate and feel deep joy about how God has pleasure in who I am even though my failings and flaws are many.

I wish I could have gone back to that time, and had the courage to walk up to them and thank them for this picture and their example (regardless if they knew what I meant or not). To let them know that in the midst of the whole day and all the disturbing events and good events, they were the living gospel to me. I wanted to thank this very human form of Jesus walking the streets of Toronto (incarnation). Jesus was working in me through this Pride day.

-joe