a l i v e & a w a k e

I first met Terry at a camp when he was very young.  He was always slow in school and picked on by other kids.  His father was killed by a car when he was nine.  His mom had a few boyfriends after the death of his father who didn’t like Terry and his two brothers.  One of the boyfriends used to beat them for the little things they would do wrong.  Terry remembers holding a block of wood out in front of him at arms length while kneeling on beans on the pavement.  If they let the block drop, they would get a slap.  If they complained or cried, they would get beat.  Terry remembers doing this for hours at a time.  He also remembers many welts on his legs from an extension cord used as a whip.  Most days wouldn’t go by without some sort of physical ‘discipline’ as it was called.  Terry can only recall few times that his “new dad” wasn’t drunk.  He was nice to them even less. 

 

 

The boyfriend beat Terry’s mom regularly.  They would try to stop him, but that usually resulted in ‘discipline’ for them.  His mom tried once to stop the boyfriend from beating the kids and suffered one of the worst beatings ever. It put her in the hospital for days and the photographs told the story of a long drawn out beating.  She had internal concussions to her brain and organs.  Terry remembers trying to stop it but the last thing he remembers was a steel toe boot coming for his face. 

 

 

The second time I saw Terry, he had just been released from a juvenile detention  center.  He came to the Switch Yard, adrop-in in Bancroft Ontario . He was there every time it was open. He was tough now and every second word was f--- this or f--- that.  He liked to play ping-pong.  Over a game he told me that he was soon going back to ‘juevey’ for grand theft auto. This was Terry at 17.  When he got out, he was 19 and meaner than ever.  The tattoo’s were thick and the language even thicker.  He had uncontrollable  rage fits that brought a reputation for his fighting ability. The jail had been a time of training.  He would workout 3 hours a day and hate the rest away.  Once he picked up an old Gideon Bible. 

 

 

Most just stayed clear of him as he used to walk through the streets with his shirt off.  He came back to the drop-in.  I had to remind him many times that the drop-in was for everyone and that he couldn’t intimidate the other youth.  We built a great friendship over the ping-pong table and the foosball table.  The Switch Yard hosted an alternative education program, and Terry decided to pick up a couple of courses. 

 

 

I used to supervise the upstairs while the teacher would teach downstairs in the building.  At some of the breaks Terry would talk to me.  I  would usually be working on a bible study, message or for my course I was taking.  He would relate to me that he actually picked up a bible from time to time in the jail. He didn’t understand most of it, but really like the stories when he did understand it. We started talking about some deep spiritual issues.  The teacher downstairs was a Christian as well and he would encourage Terry to think about spiritual things and lead him to me.  I would be able to speak freely of  Christ.  Terry let me know that at the Christian camp, he had said a prayer to ‘accept Jesus into his heart’.  Recalling though, it didn’t mean much to him.  He was thirsty for more.

 

 

Terry’s questions soon lead him to come to church with me and even bible studies at the drop-in.  We attended a few different churches to see what was comfortable to him. He would walk in to church feeling very out of place.  He would spend a lot of time in the morning trying to get the right clothes to look good.  He wore his hat into church not knowing any better.  I didn’t want to correct him on that until he really understood a relationship with Jesus first. The people in church didn’t know what to think about him.  Some even scowled and made motions for him to take his hat off. I finally told him that maybe he wanted to remove it so that they will stop bothering him.  He didn’t want to because he now had ‘hat-head’.  We didn’t go back to that church.

 

 

 He had many questions of how the church functioned and even more about God.  Before the first bible study, Terry gave his life to Christ.  It was in tears and sobs that he had not seen since he was that young boy who was being beaten. The tears flowed freely in the drop-in that night, in front of the 20 some kids that were there that night.  It was a quiet prayer to himself that changed his life.  I didn’t have to hear a word, the anguish and relief  on his face told me the story.   

 

 

Terry helped out with a group we called the ‘work crew’. This group was designed in a way to help the youth to give to the community. We  helped the aged and ones who couldn’t help themselves. At many different times I watched our group leave a place where the people were smiling. Our exhausted group also smiled with satisfaction and pride for a job well done. There was one women who wrote the local paper in praise for what we did because her chimney was plugged and there was no other way to heat her home.  She has almost froze that week in February. She was able to light a fire and keep her home warm for the rest of winter. She then wrote an article in the newspaper about how the Switch Yard work crew saved her life.

 

 

 Terry came to the first bible study with another guy named Matt.  We worked through the bible study called ‘Experiencing God’.  I will never forget the first time I heard Terry pray out loud.  I usually gave the chance for everyone to pray and Terry took it this time.  If you were in the room with Terry praying, and you were not aware of  God’s throne room, you soon were.  I cannot put words to someone praying out loud for the first time.  Terry would forget we were all in the room with him and talk to God in ways that I had not even  felt before.  Many times his prayer would include “…..I love you, I love you, I love you..” to a father that he finally had.

 

 

Terry opened up much of his insecurities and short comings in his life. He mostly struggled with a physical handicap involving the use of his arm. It was nothing severe, but it became something that he knew others could tease with or it would hinder him getting a girlfriend.  This was something we talked about regularly. Terry was looking for his identity and worth.  He was finding it Christ.

 

 

One time in drop-in, on a Friday night, Terry was playing Tetris quietly.  I look in on him from time to time. He seemed he wanted to be alone. After an hour I looked over and he seemed to be slumped over.  He was crying.  Other youth looked over and raised an eyebrow at the ‘tough guy’ crying.  What could possibly be upsetting him so much?  I sat beside him and asked what was up. He just waved his hand and I told him I would come back later. I felt nervous because maybe he was going to share some deep hurt that I would feel inadequate to deal with. Once I saw he was quiet, I sat down again and asked to share.  He couldn’t look at me. He told me that he was talking to God and he was telling Him “I love you”.  He started to cry. After about 5 minutes, he said “..and God told me he loved me too..”. He sobbed as he said it and resumed crying for another 20 minutes.  Such a clear voice and representation of God’s love pouring out on Switch Yard and Terry that night. We all benefited from Terry’s presence.

 

 

I would take movie trips to the nearest theater. It would usually take an hour and a half to get there and Terry wanted to read “The Message” out loud.  Matt would come on these trips as well and I spent most of time explaining (as best I could), the answers to their many questions.  God gave Terry an amazing ability to learn.  He could remember things and make logical, biblical arguments to his theological position. If there had been a course on the bible, he would have had straight A’s.

 

 

One of the hardest things was to watch him come from his house where he was continually bugged for his new belief.  He would slip up and swear at frustrated points and they would never let him live that down.  Their mocking became too much and he would tell them to stop and they would laugh and mock “ St op, stop” in a whiny voice.  Terry would resort to his old ways by hitting things and swearing, as he walked defeated to his room.  This was hard because it was a tough guy who had become so tender and so child like in his walk, now was being abused spiritually as he once was physically. I had him over to my place a few nights, just so he could have a break from the ongoing torment.  This soon became a low time.  He ended up at Joy Bible Camp as a maintenance worker, to stay away from his family.  This became a haven in a sense, but you could see the tension in his face when he knew the summer was ending.

 

 

His family had been changed by Terry’s new decision. His brother Scott wanted to investigate what had gripped Terry. Scott even saw the moral values. Scott has since attended church once with my younger brother because of his own personal search. Scott has occasionally attended a bible study for men.  His mom spent time coming to the drop-in and even asked questions about God. There was an impact to his whole family and God had used Terry to be His face to them.  Terry needs a spiritual father, one who can come along side of him and patiently walk him through the years of hate, violence  and rage.  This is still lacking in his life.   I’ve  understood that he needs discipleship. He has recently been attending church frequently and is growing with a bible study group.