a l i v e & a w a k e

I have lived in the suburban context now four about 7 years now. It is a very nice atmosphere to live in on the surface. Once I’ve been in one location for a long enough time I realize the veneer is only a covering to a deep subversive disease –separation. The design of the streets, houses and even backyards today show more of a value system for privacy and loneliness compared to 50 years ago which had more of a small town feel to the communities.  Open concept backyards that you can see for quite a distance are now replaced with high fences visually closing off a postage stamp size plot. We pay top dollar if we want a bigger yard for ourselves that can keep out the view of other neighbors but yet keep local to the action of the city.

This has recently been more apparent to me as of late. I have one month experience of being a community developer of the Meeting House (officially called lead pastor).   One day in particular, I went walking handing out cards of a new series coming out on Sundays. At first I was looking forward to getting some exercise, praying for the community and maybe even seeing people who would show up because of this. I haven’t seen results yet but I encountered a much different experience.

I began walking with my dog as a postal worker would to all the different homes in my area. At first I was a bit nervous because I didn’t know what people thought of me as they saw me doing it. Then I got more uncomfortable not because of people but just the overwhelming feeling of not being welcomed by the design of the home. Looking back at that experience, I felt like the locations of mailboxes were such that you almost felt like you were walking into the living room of the home owners and really you shouldn't be there without very good excuse. Now I already have had a hard time with going around doing ‘cold calls’ and depositing paper when most people will not want it. This soon became a sheer exercise of forced work. I felt like my feet were made of lead as soon as I got within the personal space of the front door and they would quickly become light as a feather once I moved towards the end of the driveway. When that happens 250 times (the cards I handed out), you get a real complex. Now I know some of my feelings have a lot to do with my own insecurities, personality and issues. But there was something also that was more than just me.

It is more than just the design of the homes. It is society that has created a milieu of separation. We are glad to be separate. In fact we praise it. The more money you have the more separate you can be. Now I don’t advocate all of us move into communal homes, (tried that and it didn’t work so well). I appreciate some distance, but this is gone to the point of we hardly even talk to our neighbors. Our houses are bought and sold with in two feet of each other but praised for how private they are. This may also be a growing fear and distrust of people in general but I believe the value of separation is the first reason. Too many of us have bought into being separate from each other and will do many things to not have to encounter other humans. I find myself catching myself being distant and proud to not have any one around my suburban castle,,, why it that?

The Movie ‘Crash’ is a great example of these phenomena. The premise of Crash is that we crash into each other just so we can have an interaction with another human because deep down crave it. Most of the time we spend looking away or looking busy with something as we pass people as to say, “I’m really a busy person in my mind or with what I’m doing”. Importance and busyness are good to portray to others. Or deeper down I am saying “don’t talk to me because I am afraid of who you are and if you are going to want something from me”. Or worse “you may need something but I just don’t care and you would really be bothering me to even look my way”. It is initially deceptive because it looks like we were the one who were in a better spot maybe to say hi back, or give joy or assistance but in the long run maybe we lose out from a human contact point. I will even say a Divine moment of some sort.

I will say this again in other write ups but even our best intentions to help others are handouts, cheques and give-aways. It is good to do these things but it lacks human contact points and interactions which is probably the best gift we can give today in this day and age to others and to ourselves. At Christmas we feel drawn to be giving and we give in ways to the ‘less fortunate’ that we will never have any relational withdrawal. If we do relationally give it seems like a lot of effort to muster up for the season and it doesn’t get continued for the year. We feel a sense of satisfaction and a job well done but yet what we lose out on is community. Community is what we need. Community is what we have designed best to give despite the zeros in our bank account. It takes effort and a whole different mentality to combat years of practice and social acceptability.

How can this be changed? What are ways to be in community relationally? I feel in retrospect that my country up bringing has values ingrained in me that could put me at an advantage. I need to start practicing them again. Be a front yard person. Most of our time we hide and ‘free’ ourselves from seeing others in the back yard when we can see more people out front on the street, (if they are not in their back yards). Go frequently and consistently to places where many people go –Tim Hortons, Bars, Malls, etc. Walk someone’s dog (if you don’t have your own). I am amazed by the dog walking culture and how easy it is to strike up conversations or have conversations about the dogs we have. This is not a suggested dating tactic! Say hi to people on the street as you walk. Look them in the eye and be genuine about greeting someone. Say it like you own the street and your job is the designated ‘welcomer’ of that section of sidewalk as you walk. These are a few suggestions and I’m sure there are many more. 

Sadly I lament that this will not change society because of the vast merchandise and social values given today. It will however give certain individuals a chance to be community and we may be surprised by all who will be ‘blessed’ by it.