a l i v e & a w a k e

I've always wondered how long Darth Vader wanted to take off his mask. Only at the very end, when it is too late, Vader's last wish is to see his son through his own eyes, AND to be seen for who he really is - Anakin Skywalker. Had he lived longer, it could have been the most pivotal and important part of his life. Why did he wait? Perhaps he was embarassed of his deteriated body. Maybe he feared rejection. Or perhaps he had grown so accustom to his outer shell, he forgot who he was.

It saddens me to think there were moments, perhaps many of them where he wished he could have revealed his true self. How his life would have been different!

Although I am no Vader, I have had to come to similar terms. There is a part of me that wants to try to only convey a person of competence, ability, talent; qualities worthy of honour. No personal weaknesses. No limitations. Definitely no character flaws. This way seems safe and secure, because you don't have to face the accompanying criticism and judgment of others.

But this way is anything but safe or secure. Hidden in the shadow of the mask, a weakness can grow freely, unchecked; and in this way it can fester like a botched treatment of a deep wound. Soon, instead of a "slight embarassment" you are dealing with a fully developed monster under your bed. Once it becomes rooted, it begins to control you, lying to you to never reveal it to others. It threatens to destroy your reputation, or your position. So in your insecurity, you continue to provide sanctuary, not realizing that it soon will outgrow its hideout and become visible for all to see. That is when those closest to you become victims, the tabloids pick up on it, and everything you were trying to stop from happening, happen anyways.

Time and again this is the ploy of an enemy. Whether it is a major weakness, or worse, a fantastic strength, all the forces against you want to keep it behind a mask. If you never reallze who you really are, you will never become who you were meant to be.

I am learning that is the way of the coward. It is the fearful that become the prey. They are afraid of what others think. They are afraid of their own potential. They are afraid of taking a liberating risk. They are afraid that if they give up an impression, they will not have the integrity to follow.

Perfect love casts out fear. When you are loved totally and unashamedly, you are free to not fear. My personal story hinges on the moment I realized that I was loved completely; for all the talents, and weaknesses, strengths and personal flaws. In my most uttermost exposed state, I found Someone who took me as I was and embraced it all. It was that moment that I was free to let go of the insecurity and shame, and to drop the mask.

The older you get, the more you will understand the wisdom found in these words (as I have and continue to):

When you see God for who He really is, you will begin to understand who you are, and who you were always meant to be.

Try as you might, you will not be able to escape the fact that there is a God; and not only is He God, but He is a Personal Being who made you and has a purpose for you. As I found out, He loves me in a way that makes any form of human love pale in comparison. It is a love that allows you to face up to the real you, and begin to see great changes in life. It is the love that frees you to take off the mask.

Jon