a l i v e & a w a k e

Every once and a while, we invite guest bloggers to write. This my friend Heino Claessens. Heino has great insight and tremendous wisdom which I draw from on a regular basis.  Hope you enjoy this one from his journey.

I have been told that I am a “Christian in exile”. Funny, I have never thought of myself as being anything other than a compassionate guy with foibles. One consuming foible of mine was a huge fixation on my life coming to an end – death, dying, game over. I would get myself all worked up about being unable to reconcile the fact that I wouldn’t be given all the time I wanted or craved to do everything that I felt needed doing. My life “to do” list kept getting longer and longer and more overwhelming. In hindsight, I was so greedy and concerned for time lost that I suffered from the complete inability to enjoy the time I did have. What was the epiphany; how did I get past this consuming angst? Scrambled eggs.

Let me explain. I believe in “thin places”. Places were the veil of everyday life isn’t as imposing, as deafening, as it is where we generally spend our lives. “Thin places” are where I re-connect with the Spirit more readily then I otherwise would. I will be so bold to share that with practice over time, I have learned to find “thin places” almost everywhere – but that’s a different story. I was at such a place while spending time with two of my five children at our family cottage. Upon preparing breakfast for them one Sunday morning I made what turned out to be an incredible plate of scrambled eggs. Fry up some onions and garlic until light brown. Crumble in bacon, salt, pepper and spices to taste, add eggs, a touch of milk and - presto - a real kid pleaser (the secret to making awesome scrambled eggs is not to overcook them or else they go from being fluffy to something akin to rubber). The first bite of these scrambled eggs was orgasmic. The second bite incredible. The third awesome. The fourth awesome and the same with the fifth and the sixth and so on. Each bite was awesome. It was then and there that I had my epiphany. Life is like these scrambled eggs. Life is awesome, nothing more and nothing less. As long as I lived in that moment of eating and enjoying those scrambled eggs it remained awesome. Every bite, regardless of how full I got was awesome and when the meal came to an end that was okay because it was awesome. I know it to be so. My life is like that now. Once I became consciously aware of living in the moment and truly enjoying – being passionate – about what I was doing in that moment I realized my life “at that moment” to be awesome, as it is during the next moment and the next. I realize when my life too comes to an end, that’s okay because I ate my eggs and I’m no longer “hung up” on having to, wanting to, needing to, get the chance to eat steak and then chicken with or without a myriad of various side dishes, or any other “stuff” for that matter.

As I reflect on this story I have become comfortable with the end being just that, the end. I’m not overly concerned with what happens, what can happen, what will or won’t happen. What will be - will be and so it is written. What I am concerned with is “the now”. Am I living as best as I can in relationship with the Spirit? To paraphrase a real cool dude I walk with at times, I’m concerned with a relationship that “seeks” passion for compassion, “sees” passion for compassion and “celebrates” passion for compassion. Scrambled eggs.