a l i v e & a w a k e

Lately in our city of Brampton we have had people complaining about the prostitution and drug problems in a couple of key downtown areas. Most of the solutions have been to increase the police presence and arrests. I was encouraged at one article my wife Bek showed me on a city gathering on the topic that a man who admitted he was a former addict said something like “we have to understand that the people we are complaining about do not want to be in their circumstance and so we need to give dignity and understanding rather than judgment and police”. It’s so true that the problems that we face in community don’t go away with rules and the enforcement of them.

I had an encounter recently where this topic hit home for me. I had some time before a meeting so I went to the main square of the city (recently beautified) to do some journaling and listening to God. I had in mind the problems our city is facing and wanted to God to reveal His heart for the ‘poors’ of Brampton (focus in our community lately). I also had been going through a rollercoaster of emotions dealing with what I felt people were judging me, misunderstanding me, even to the point of feeling like I was being attacked (I had others confirm that it looked that way as well). It was from people that I hoped would have been supportive of my recent efforts but instead was not taking the time to know me and using group scenarios to correct me.

It’s funny because I have been celebrating some really good things in our community lately that reflected so much of Christ working through many people. Yet once I encountered these 2 situations, I felt devastated and the world seemed grim (even though it was peak spring time, amazing clouds, great smells, warm sun-perfect worship atmosphere). I wanted to hear from Jesus on that and had some supportive companions who helped affirm me and gave me some good perspectives. I was still processing though (maybe still am).

When I am in between meetings I find it most helpful and efficient to write, listen and process my perspective and prepare myself for the next encounter. I was sitting by a newly renovated spill fountain and it was really hot (real unusual for spring time). I sat for only a couple of minutes when I was approached by a thin woman. She had the typical, what I call, 80’s look for summer. Ripped jean shorts, thin spaghetti strap tube shirt and walked with the too familiar really drunk walk.  The 30 foot bench was empty except for me and she sat 3 feet from me and washed her feet, hands and face in the water. She looked over at me and I knew she wanted to talk. I internally felt like this was a bit of an interruption form my productive and efficient listening time. She quietly muttered something to me and I leaned over to hear her better and said something like “I’m sorry?”

She said things in broken sentences (something I speak and understand quite fluently). “I just saw you..seemed nice..it’s hot you know”.  “yeah it is”, was all I could really reply. She was pleasant looking and deep down you could see a caring heart. She had a sweet Irish accent and well groomed reddish hair. To not be too busy and cold I continued, “Are you just out enjoying the sun?” She replied, “I just got laid off work last week..company of 27 years.. downsizing..not sure what to do.” She went on to why she really approached me.

“I was out here actually prostituting myself and you came along.. seemed like a nice man”. I wasn’t sure where to go with that. I first asked if she was serious or was I mistaken in what she said. I actually couldn’t believe it was true because despite the drunkenness she was seemed really put together. She clarified she had been prostituting herself for a while and that she was quite serious.

The ‘pastor’ in me responded with efforts to help, find a new job and connections that would help her out of her predicament. She told me more of her story; Her name was Francis, she lived in a nearby town but was there today because she was getting dental work (dentures for her two front teeth). Her benefits and payout ended in a few months and she was almost 50. She felt foolish reinventing herself for a career and even more to make a resume.  I asked her if she was doing this because of money and how I could help her. She wanted to stay in limbo and the payout was for enough time but then hung her head a bit and changed the subject to me. I felt a bit unhelpful at this point having to face the fact she wasn’t going anywhere even after I offered help. I couldn’t help her but now she seem to linger on.

She asked me what I do in life. I told her I was a pastor for the Meeting House. She immediately said ‘oh you have a connection with the ‘divine force’?”  We talked about prayer and how she prays every morning. She pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper that is given out for people from Al Anon meetings. There was an obvious long term use of this paper by the writing and highlighting words of importance. She wanted me to keep it but I refused because the paper to me would be like taking a very sacred thing from someone, like their only family photo. I was amazed how she so quickly would give it to me. Like most people who have had too much to drink, the topic went deeper. She said “you know I have self esteem issues”. I didn’t need to be convinced of that. My heart went out to her.

As her spaghetti straps kept falling down and she casually pulled back up she went on, “People judge and they shouldn’t judge on appearances”. My immediate response surprisingly came from my own current baggage, “I know! It seems people get opinions formed about people before they get to know them”. She added that we are really all the same as each other and that if people would just realize that, we’d be better off. I saw that from her side of life (much worse circumstance to be judged than mine) but yet could identify with that just that week. Her one liner street prophecy didn’t end there.

She said “I have eaten a bit of humble pie this last little while. It is sometimes really good to have that just so you can touch base with what was really important”. That started to hit me harder as I felt with all my indignation, and righteous anger from my attackers was actually my struggle for power. Lately the word ‘meek’ has been a focus for me lately in my personal studies.

My best understanding/version of the word meek is ‘withheld power’. There are two ways I can see this to be true; 1. A capable person chooses to not exert their power, or 2. A person has been stripped of their ability to exercise their power by circumstances or people. Jesus said to a crowd “blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth” (Matt 5:6) With my take on that you could read ‘blessed are those who withhold their power or have their power withheld’. The next part is incredible—we will inherit. There is nothing you can do or change to receive an inheritance. We hear so much in the world today of so many who undeservedly take on places of power, fame, and wealth and it bothers us. Yet Jesus talks about a greater life changing inheritance that we are internally hardwired for and built to manage even if we are oppressed. Unknown to Francis, I heard her message of humility (meekness) loud and clear as though Jesus Himself said it to me.

We ended our conversation with her saying "now you take of yourself, you hear?", I had to bike to my next appointment. As I pedaled  on I realized my most important meeting of the day had just happened,,, the one I didn’t put in my planner. It was to receive this message from Jesus:

-“Even though you are feeling not heard and that the current circumstances of life are discouraging, I hear you. If I hear a daily prayer of a prostitute who is confident in my presence, you as well can take her same understanding of my presence”.

-“Joe, you need to know I am not happy with judgments made by people on you, but also the ones you have been secretly hiding judgment towards people who seemingly are attacking you. We are all the same”.

-“You are to walk with humility and meekness. I have a special preparation and gift for you each day as you learn to embrace moments that supersede power of any kind”.

There a few stories where Jesus encounters a prostitute but I feel some affinity with the ‘immoral woman’ in Luke 7:36, who breaks open expensive perfume and washes Jesus’ feet. Many looked at the action as wasteful and dirty yet Jesus looked at it as preparation and sacred –elevating her above the rich company He was in. Even though it was literally her washing her own feet, the words of Francis' wisdom and affirmation had oil like element of healing, richness and sweetness that was sacred to me and my broken soul.

And it important to note that the most powerful man who ever took on flesh used the same example of meekness to wash feet of His followers. Maybe that was planned from before time or maybe He learned it from a woman who encouraged Him in the same way. -joe