a l i v e & a w a k e

I know this is an old picture, but it will serve the purpose.

Looking at my boy Rhys growing up is fun. I see so much potential and so much life. Sometimes as a father you wonder what the future holds, and while it is senseless to try to guess, I found this quote that helps me to keep focus, and perspective. For all you people out there who are fathers, or who work with boys, here it is:

IT IS EASIER TO BUILD STRONG BOYS, THAN TO REPAIR BROKEN MEN.

How pleased am I to welcome Carys Louise Tenthorey to our family! She was born May 28th at 10:31 in the morning, weighing in at 6 lbs 14 oz. I don't want to upset any of the mothers out there, but she arrived after about 5 hours of labour and 10 minutes of pushing; and then 2 hours later Janie walked out of the hospital with her! What a trooper my wife is!

Both Mom and baby are doing well and beginning to establish a daily routine. Thanks to everyone for their kind support and emails. For sure, there will be updates as life goes on.

Jon 

I know it's not even close to Mother's Day, but since my beautiful wife if expecting again, I have found myself admiring her even more.

What a high calling it is to be a mother. These are the ones in society who help to define for us things like unconditional love, patience, kindness and self-sacrifice. Moms are the ones who pull the all-nighters with sleepless, crying babies, and then run constantly to keep things in order during the day. They usually carry most of the weight of nurturing and caring for the family. They are absolutely amazing.

But even more amzing is that they actually "trade" in their pre-baby body and, for a season of about 9 months, take on an "entirely different" one. This new body isn't usually kind nor flattering (although some peope thing pregnant woman are hot - like I think of Janie!). There is raging hormones, mood swings, morning sickness, afternoon sickness, dizzy spells, constant fatigue (they say it's like climbing a mountain every day), bloating, swelling, carpal tunnel, clothes that no longer fit, stretch marks, low back pain and finally after all that, there's the wonderful process of pushing that baby out! Life isn't so kind as to "exempt" them from daily challenges and busyness. They have to carry on like everyone else. It's a miracle a woman has more than one!

As I watch Janie goes through the process again, I am in awe of how she has accepted and is thriving in her role as mother (and mother-to-be). I am grateful for her patient endurance and am excited to be a partner in the journey. Take some time today to express your admiration and appreciation of the mothers in your life.

Jon 

Just watched The Incredibles again (I know, I know - it's an old movie now). But it is a movie that has a "now" message.

Bob is a man dealing with a lot of issues. As a retired superhero (Mr. Incredible), he has to deal with simply trying to live life as a married man with kids. His wife, Helen, is also a former superhero (Elasta-girl) and they have 3 very "super" kids who all have their own issues. He works in a dead-end job under a supervisor who has less than ideal standards. Although he works hard and tries to make it all work, he finds himself trapped in a life that is unfulfilling. Often, he sneaks out of the house with a fellow "super" under the cover of "bowling night" to listen in on police reports with the hopes of being able to participate in just one more covert operation. Eventually, he is "recruited" by an organization to help them deal with a "problem. The promise of adventure and action is too much, and so Bob (unbeknownst to his wife) begins to live a double life to fit it all in.

Like Bob, a lot of guys are out there feeling "trapped" in a lifestyle that doesn't match their glory days. It seems men rely on competence as an indicator of self-worth. When you can't do what you used to, you either try to find something else to replace it, or something else to hide your inability. And when you can't do either, you have what some people call "mid-life crisis". This time of warped perspectives is usually characterized by compulsive spending sprees, adulterous affairs, job changes, unwarrented travelling and absorbsion in personal hobbies. It can also mean withdrawn tendencies from the family, a lack of intimacy from family members (especially your wife) and many, many secrets. It is a dangerous way of thinking.

Watching Bob being lured back into his supersuit by the promise of "action" and its intrinsic significance reminds me to make sure I keep my priorities straight. Regardless of how much I have left behind to my younger years (and at times it seems like quite a bit), I have made choices of who I married (for which I am happy) and what I am currently doing (what I love). And to those choices, I must be responsible.

Bob spends the mid-portion of the movie lying to his wife and children about what he's really doing, and it is only because Helen visits a mutual friend that she finds out his escapades (and consequently has to help bail him out). That is so typical of so many families - it's when the "head of the home" becomes the heel that things get turned upside down, and break down. I wonder how many married women have taken on the role as a single parent because men are out "finding themsleves".

It is near the end where Bob finally realizes the enormous value of his family (only after he thinks their all dead), and is quoted as saying, "I guess I forgot that you (the family) were my greatest adventure". In typical Hollywood style, the family once rejoined becomes a crime-fighting, burglar-busting force of justice, ready to take on all the evils of the world.

The Incredibles is a fun movie - I highly recommend it. I particularly enjoyed the inside look into family, and the message it has for all of us who need a reminder from time to time of what is important in life - and what should stay that way.

Jon

For those who haven't heard yet, we are expecting baby Tenthorey number 2. Apparently he/she is due around June 3rd. Check back in a few weeks for an update. What a great surprise!

Jon 

My son Rhys is growing in leaps and bounds. As most parents soon realize, kids change so fast. I am constantly amazed at everything he knows, even at 17 months. He has learned so much about how "life works"; he knows how to walk, run, dance and climb, how to ask for things (mostly with points and some sign language), how to feed himself, how to brush his teeth, how to use his childish charm to get his way, and most importantly, how to win his mommy's heart by simply crawling up on to her lap and snuggling.

The funny thing is, we had little to do with it all. I mean we did show him some sign language, and perhaps lent a helping hand to navigate stairs, but on the whole Rhys just picked it up. Most of it was his choice to "simply do it". All we did was make sure he had the time and space. It is like his DNA carries an "unpacking" program which, in its good time, begins executing itself.

For someone like myself, it is quite humbling. I always suspected parenting was an intentional, direct teaching job where you basically have to instruct a child on how to do everything. I now realize that, at this stage at least, my role involves me being an good example, creating learning opportunities and giving support. Sure there is correction and discipline (extremely important at this stage, as my wife graciously reminds me), but most of my time with Rhys is being there as he explores and experiments. I watch in awe.

Perhaps it is God's grace at work. Maybe this unpacking time in the life of a child is His way of allowing parents like myself to have time to adjust and learn. I think at the end of the parenting journey, it will be I who has in grown leaps and bounds.

Jon